Just got back from a lovely church service at St Paul’s Episcopal Church (a cute as a button church in Burlingame with a lovely garden) and the priest there (I love how Episcopalians have women priests!) gave this very interesting sermon and ended with the thought “Whose are you?”
I have never been really fond of organized religion but during this period of my life I have gone back to prayer and wanting to at least seek a connection to God and the sprirtual side. I have also never been a really devout Christian like I was when I was younger as I see that all the major religions out there are basically saying the same thing and that God is worshipped and respected in many different ways. Whatever way gets you to that connection and that love and that goodness and joy then so be it! I in a way consider myself all religions. However I was raised a Christian and so I have been reexploring my roots so to speak.
Anyways, it is interesting that God truly does seem to move in small, mysterious ways. The sermon really struck a cord with me.
I realized that I am first God’s and in me God lives. I make my own living heaven or hell. And I need to live my life with the joy, happiness, and goodness that befits God. I need to enjoy and relish the life I have as this life is God. The last 2-3 years I have not realized that. It has all been about insecurities, fears, angers, wrongs and rights, my selfish desires and wants and needs which really saddens me. I have been acting like a spoiled brat and also very childish – I so need to GROW UP. But what I need to focus on is NOW and the PRESENT and focus on my actions (and not just my words) reflecting this - I am first God’s and in me God lives.
I hope this will help me deal with the screaming, tantrum-throwing 2 years olds of my insecurities, loneliness, fears, desires, wants and needs and wishes and day dreams. And I must live FORWARD and NOT BACKWARD.
