I am so tired of my selfish needs and wants and desires. This is not who I am. I do not want to be some reactionary being that just follows her emotions, wants, needs and desires. I have hurt so many people by being this way. And I have hurt myself deeply by being this way. I have always been a giving person and that has always brought me so much joy – the simple act of giving unselfishly and seeing someone else happy and bringing them joy. By bringing them joy, I find joy. However recently I seem to have taken a left turn and these days all I can seem to think about is MY needs, MY wants, MY desires. And I am left with this feeling of utter selfishness and complete sadness.
How do I break this flipping cycle of selfishness and how to quiet the flipping desires, needs, wants, cravings like crying 2 year olds?
Is my optimism and my dreaming – is that selfishness and self centered? How do I return to doing GOOD in this world and stop impacting people so negatively?
I saw Wall-E this weekend – good Pixar movie and great message for us human obsessed with BUY BUY BUY NEED NEED NEED WANT WANT WANT commercialism and consumerism - and there is this image that haunts me right now – of where Wall-E retracts into himself into a cube and shuts down for the night and rocks himself to sleep - perhaps right now I need to do that. I need to retract inward and shut down for a while and rock myself to sleep.
